Disney Villians Club : Villian Con and Beyond
by LuckyDuck932
Summary: The Disney Villian Club is on it s way to the 72nd Villian Convention , with a few humorous issues. Told by Maleficent , Mistress of Evil . Can this road trip go smoothly ? Or will she lose all sanity and go compltely nuts ? Read and Review !
1. The Meeting

**This story is written between my sister and I. She is a big fan of Disney Villains and I gave my word that I`d write a story about her favorite, Maleficent. I threw in a few of my personal favorites (i.e. Lampwick : D ). Hope you like it and that we hear what you have to say about!**

**DISNEY VILLAINS CLUB**

I woke up today at 5 am, pulling myself from my purple silk sheets, to see a giant fluff ball of hair attached to my head.

I grudgingly made myself take a shower and blow dry my hair so that I could shove it into my hat. It took forever to put my hair in that awesome hat! I mean, seriously! Nobody cares that it takes like 5 hours for me to make myself wicked beautiful! And does the king care? No! Does the Chinese Delivery Man care? No! Geez, I wish they`d pay attention to this awesome hat that I bought on Evil bay (the internet flee market for villains), and it wasn`t cheap!

I went down to the kitchen where my goons fed me waffles and I fed them goon chow, which contains a mixture of kibble, dried out radishes, turnips, and God knows what else! I once found a dead rat in that stuff. Rats give my goons gas and trust me, you don`t want to live on the same continent with a gassy goon! I wanted to pick the rat out but I was afraid that it had the Black Death or some other disease 'cause it had what looked like whipped cream in its mouth. But, as I was throwing the rat away, the goons attacked me and fought over the eye and spleen. God, I don`t want to live through that again!

Luckily, I didn`t find anything questionable or deadly in the goon chow this time and they gobbled whatever it is down.

I glanced at my To-Do list. On my list was:

Seek revenge for not getting invited to Aurora`s B-day party - Something that I`ve been trying to do for the last ... few years.

Teach Lampwick to parallel park - since I have a lot of community service hours to perform, I`ve taken up teaching juvenile delinquents how to drive, so at least they can be an ice cream man or postman or whatever.

Buy more Goon chow - RAT FREE! :(

Have a "Welcome to DVC !" party for Dr. Facilier! - I`m glad that we finally got a new club member, since we all refuse to let the CGI villains join.

Rent RV for Villain Con trip!

Pack for Villain Con - Thursday the 18th of June!

I panicked - a week after Villain Con is the Olympic games (Villains versus Heroes). About a month back, DVC received a letter from DGGC (Disney Good Guys Club) that stated that they felt a bit sorry for beating us all the time so they challenged us to a session of games so we would stop sending death threats and black mail to them . None of my friends are what you call "sports stars " and 12 out of the 16 members are "klutzs " . But anyway I`m gonna take Aurora and her little prince DOWN! Yeah, that's right, your gonna get burned !

I called up the RV renter and got a large one that could accommodate 8 people in bunk beds. I`ll just have to partner up bunk mates, since RV Universe didn`t have a 16 people bunk bed RV. I`ll just have to ask Stromboli if he could hook up his cart so a few people could sleep in sleeping bags there.

I called all the villains who said that they were going to the convention no matter what, except the Mad Hatter and the March Hare. They give me the creeps! And usually that`s _**my **_job!

Everybody came and I had them sit down. I usually have them sit willy-nilly, but this time I had them sit by the year in which their movie came out.

The Pinocchio Villains weren't happy sitting together. Lampwick (he`s 15) and the Coachman always sit far away from each other. I mean Coachman double crossed him, turning him into a donkey. I`ve seen many people double crossed, but nobody would stoop so low as to turn naive children into jacks! It is so Villain-y, I LOVE IT! I still felt pity and turned Lampwick back into a human for two reasons; A) Nobody understood what the heck he was saying (braying) and B) I won`t have animals in my Castle! Except my Raven, my little pet.

And that leads me to another problem, Scar. I absolutely despise HIM, and I despise _**a lot **_of people. Here are the reasons why:

-He`s ignorant; never does what I say or plan out.

-He brags way too much!

-He`s an outcast from the other_ sophisticated_ villains.

DVC has a tradition to order Chinese Food from Panda Palace. I called them up beforehand (everyone orders the same thing all the time!). The meeting room is my palor . I Feng shui-ed it myself . I realized my life is way out of wak ! I need iner peace , so I `ll stop throwing vases if I get angry . Now that I got the Feng Shui-ed castle ,I`ve had better health and prosperty .

During meetings people talked alot . But not unplanned meetings , some people have _other_ things to do , _other_ _better_ things . By that they mean they had a T.V. special to watch .

"So is everyone excited for the 72nd Villain Con?" I asked hoping they wouldn`t give me the cold glance .

A variety of responses came from the crowd. For a unplanned meeting I was getting good response .

"Good then! Well, we will be on the road for 2 days, arriving at the convention on the first day of the convention. Then we`ll spend another 2 days there and head back home another 2 days later."

Scar rolled his eyes. "Wow, too many 2 day things."

I frowned from my table at the head of the parlor.

Lampwick raised his hand.

"Yes Lampwick?", I said hoping this question didn`t involve pool or something stupid.

"What if your parents didn`t sign the permission slip?"

"There_ was_ no permission slip Romeo", I corrected him. " As you can see ..."

The door bell (which is actually a real bell in the belfry) rang.

Hades went to answer it. "Hey how ya doin'?", he said.

The guy at the door, a nerdy teenager, took one look at Hades and screamed.

"You got da order?", Hades asked over the guy`s fearful, girly scream.

The guy dropped the order and ran. Luckily, Hades caught all the bags of food. "Thanks for not charging us!", he yelled.

Hades smiled deviously and laughed wickedly .

I handed out food. Ursula -Sea food stry fry, without the tentacles. Frollo - Egg Foo Yong. Stromboli - Extra Large Order of Wanton soup. Lampwick - Chicken and Broccoli ...and so on.

One hour later, nobody had said a word, and they all sat there eating Chinese food with stupid grins on their faces. Just imagine 15 other people , sitting on your couch , with smiles like the Cheshire Cat while eating food you payed with your own money . I couldn`t spend the rest of my day just staring at the slow eaters going "Mmm!", I had too much to do! I just had to make them leave. .

"OKAY EVERYONE ! I`LL SEE YOU TOMORROW AT 5 AM SHARP AT THE FORBIDDEN MOUNTAIN PARKING LOT !" I shouted, pushing them all out with a doggy bag of their Chinese food.

Five seconds later a knock came at my door. It was Stromboli. "Can I have my Fortune cookie?", he said.

I frowned and threw the extra cookie at his face."Thank you!" he said in a stupid voice as I slammed the door.

I packed and got the RV ready. I left the goons with a long list of chores to do, along with several bags of feed. I then did my hair (I don`t have time tomorrow ) and went to sleep.

**My sister and I hope you enjoyed this. We are going to work on Chapter Two: Villain Con or Bust! I still have to balance finishing "A New Me" with this, but I promise I`ll update soon.**

**P.S. My sister and I would like reviews or suggestions for what happens next in Disney Villains Club!**


	2. Villian Con or Bust !

**The second chapter is finally out . What has it been , 4 months since I`ve updated ? Now that A New Me is finished ( through I would love to write a sequel or maybe some vignettes of Lampwick`s thoughts during the time he was mute ) and it is Spring Break I glued myself to my computer station and was determined to finish the second chapter . Hope you like it !**

The next morning I had to pry myself from my bed.

You see , I`m not really a morning person , and if you think I am grouchy by day , you don't want to see me at 5 `o'clock . Still , I wanted to be happy for the greater good of this road trip . If I was happy , maybe I wouldn`t get killed by a bunch of criminals that I call "friends " . Oh well , can`t help that your best friends are crazy .

Usually the road trip is planned before hand , but I was so close to getting my hand on that stupid little princess , my nemesis, Aurora . I just simply have enough time to think it through , so we`re just gonna play it by year. And the trip is usually started at 9 a day before , and we just go by bus . But this year the convention place was moved to some far away town in the middle of nowhere . I`m usually more prepared , but I didn`t have time !

As I waited for everyone to show up in the parking lot , Frollo arrived before I schedule for everyone to get here . "D'ya want some cheese?" He asked me, pulling a cheese plate out of his bag.

I shook my head . "No ! And don`t eat it ! "

Frollo is really Lactose intolerant and trust me you don`t want to be around him when he has dairy products . I don`t know why he likes it, considering he uses to hate that stuff ,.But now that he`s been to Wisconsin he buys cheese from all over the world . I tell him to stop it , but every time I tell him that , another cheese package shows up on _**my**_door step. Frollo always order stuff from the Devil knows where and has it shipped to the Forbidden Mountain cause he knows he`ll be back for a meeting and retrieve it then. He knows me too well .

Eventually everyone showed up and thank god I have more people to talk to then Frollo . The Evil Queen came up with her laugge , all matching and Gucci. One of the bags was the biggest I've ever seen. It was as tall as Lampwick and as fat as the Coachman . " Did you pack your _ entire _ wardrobe for this trip ?"

"Heavens No! " She said." This is just my makeup! "

"Did you pack the magic mirror as well ?"

"Of course I did ! I never home without him ! "

And that is the very reason why she doesn't get out much .

No one else packed light, and they all had their reasons why . Ursula had a bunch of potion stuff to show off at our booth , had Voo-Doo , and Jafar packed a T.V ! I couldn`t put all of it in the compartment of the R.V. , so we had to stuff it in the tiny living room .It`s so crowded that it looked like we where sardines in a can .Lampwick was the only person who packed light , he only had a small duffel bag . But he carried a pool table , you know one of those miniature one that can be carried easily . "Where do I put this ?" He asked .

I frowned . "Nowhere . You're not taking it . Leave it behind ."

But being the youngest villain , he has to handle it like a kid . "But I can`t afford to slip up on my pool skills during vacation !"

I rolled my eyes and said " Honestly , six days can`t kill your _professional skills ." _

"It can too !" The red head protested . He gave me sort of a puppy look , whimpering slightly . I couldn`t stand looking one more minute at those sad brown eyes . He knows my weakness to well .

"Fine ," I reluctantly said . Lampwick clapped a jammed it through the door .

Lady Tremaine addressed me with another issues . She had brought along her cat , the pompous Lucifer . "Where can Lucifer sit ?" She said stroking the fat cat`s black fur .

"Err..."I said . "I stated quite clearly that DVC member weren't allowed to bring henchman on this trip . Pets count too ."

Lady Tremaine gave me that famous spine chilling glare of hers . She isn`t a morning person and is best kept alones . I gave up . "In the back " I huffed.

Every villain was there and ready to go . We could actually make it in time before the _pathetic _ CGI villains take the best booth spot . I have a problem with those guys ; they`re so cocky about being 3D . They like to pick on us about being old and 2 demiial . I guess their jealous about when they came along , we kicked them out and said they weren't worth . So ever year when DVC goes to the convention , the DVCCGI had got a new member . We hate them , they hate us .But one guy , Davy Jones , I believe , has been constantly flirting with Ursula and she is really creped out by him . Oh well , getting a date is hard if you want to control the world.

I went up to the driver`s cabin where the Coachman was sitting . He had his GPS at hand and was ready to go . " All set, "He said .

"Good , "I sighed in relief . Hopefully this road trip wouldn`t fall to pieces .

And so the journey began . 15 villains sitting in R.V. crowded with Gucci luggage each of them doing something . The Evil queen applied her makeup , Jafar tried to get the T.V. to work .. The Queen of Hearts played solitaire on a table , and Frollo skimmed through the newest issue of _Villains Weekly ._ We went on for a few hours or so like that . Everyone was occupied and at peace . After a while Frollo got up and said . "How well does the bath room work ?"

"Dunno , "I said ,finishing the chapter of the book I was reading .

He opened the door and gassy , horrendous , stench reached our noses . "Ewe.."We cried covering them .

"It smells like someone died in their !" Stromboli commented .

"And the body was left to rot !" continued .

"Shut the door !" I commanded and Frollo obeyed . "Guess the plumbing isn`t a great as I thought it was ... "

Lampwick nodded and decided to take a nap . Teenagers these days . It`s like they live to sleep ! The only problem I have with Lampwick sleeping is he snores , like a bear . And no matter how many times we tell him , he doesn't take the advice . His snoring sounds more like braying actually . It`s in a pattern like He haw ! He-haw ! I swear if the world was to go into a battle with extra terrestrial life forms , the kid would sleep right through it . Lucifer decided to get a nap too and climbed onto Lampwick . And then the cat decide to go somewhere warmer , so he climbed under Lampwick's shirt . I don`t think that cat has ever be de-clawed , so those thing gotta be a sharp as daggers . During which he only laughed in his sleep and muttered a few words that made no sense .

About 9`oclock the Coachman called me up and asked "May we stop for donughts ?"

I gave him a glare and said "Why do you want to stop for doughnuts ?"

"Cause I`m running out of energy to drive this thing . We also need to stop for gas ."

"Okay ,"I said and left . We pulled in to a shopping center and I announced that we would be taking a short break and that anyone who needed to go had to go now or forever hold it . Most of the villains lined up by the door , except Jafar and who just wanted to get the T.V. up and running ."Hey we almost got a signal !" Jafar cheered , but the fuzzy outline of people faded . He growled with anger . I rolled my eyes and chunked the TV. with my staff and instantly the T.V. turned onto Soaps Network. "Soaps Network ?" said puzzled .

Gaston , being the man he is , said "No one orders doughnuts like Gaston !"

"Hold it !" I said pushing him back . "You have short term memory lose and I don`t trust you . I`ll go myself ." But of course , Lampwick had to tag along and he went along with me . When we got in doughnut shop , we were the only one there , but we still stuck out like sore thumbs . Just imagine a 15 year old dress like he stepped out of a time machine from 1939 and a woman who had green skin and a staff .The guy who was behind the counter widened his eyes . " Hey!" He called . "You guys going` to the Renaissance Festival ?"

"Renaissance Festival ?" Lampwick repeated with his eyes getting big like softballs .

"No ."I said blankly . "Where going to a convention . "

"Ah , I see , "The guy said. "I`m going after my shift ! I got my costume ready !" And with that he sunk below the counter and popped back up with a court gesture`s hat . "See ?"

Lampwick smiled , bearing his buck teeth . I simply frowned and said."Can you take our order ?"

"Of course !" The guy said cheerfully . He took it and filled our insanely large order of coffee and doughnuts . I made Lampwick carry it like a pack mule , since he is one . "Hey can we go to that festival ?" He asked .

"No , "I answered coldly .

"Come on! Come on! Everyone thinks side trips are swell !" He said , re gripping the box of donuts .

"No side trips !"

"Yes side trips !"

When we got back to the R.V. all the guys where crowded around the TV. and their eyes never left the screen . " But Contessa ! I .. I love you !" The TV went . "How could I love a man who .. who ... is so handsome . " I rolled my eyes at the sappy dialogue . "What the devil are you watching ?"

"_All my Love ..," _Frollo said .

"Coincidently ,"Jafar said . "I was watching this when I was in my senior year of College . The season ended when I graduated . I couldn`t continue watching it , cause I don`t get HBO . Now it`s on Soaps Network . This is actually a re-run of the season two premiere."

I rolled my eyes again and said , "Do you really want to watch this show ? "

"The characters are so well rounded !" Jafar protested.

And so the day wore on . We spent the next 8 hours on the road , almost bored to tears. Soon Frollo came up with an idea . "How about a chores of 1000 bottles of beer on the wall ?"

The guys cheered , but the villainess said promptly "We don`t sing . "

"You sang 'Poor Unfortunate Soul ' ." Hades pointed out , but Ursula didn`t hear . And so the men began to sing in a rowdy voice 1000 bottles of beer on the wall . It was pure torture .By 700th beer I wanted to pull my hair out ! Finally , after what seemed like days , they got to 1 bottle of beer on the wall .

"One bottle of beer on the wall , one bottle of beer ! You take one down , pass it around . No more bottles of beer on the wall !" The sang and it seemed as if the R.V. itself sighed in relief .

"Hey Maleficent , "Lampwick said tugging on my robe . "Can we make another pit stop ?"

"You didn`t even have a drop to drink ! How can you go now ?"

"It's all this singing about beer !" He protested . I sighed and went up to the Coachman to ask him to stop , because Lampwick had to use the bathroom.

"`Course he does ! " He said . "We`re ahead of schedule , and he has to ruin it !"

He reluctantly pulled over to a tiny gas station and Lampwick ran off the bus . " Hurry back !" I called from the door way . "Don`t lollygag !"

But knowing Lampwick , he spent an half hour in the station and we went into get him . "Where have you been ?" I said sternly .

"Readin` this brochure . "He answered , holding up one the flyers for the Reniscanese Festival . I rolled my eyes one last time . "For the last time , we`re not going !"

Lampwick walked on to the R.V. and sat back down in his seat . He didn`t say a word for a long time , still mad about us not going . I`m not the type who will give in easily , although I let him set up his mini pool table . If it`s bigger things , it`ll take longer for me to say "Have it your way . "

When we stopped at the R.V. park , everyone was relived . They were exhausted and hungry . I went and ordered pizza , and I swear it was there and gone in seconds . They all had the look of hungry jackals on their faces ,wanting more pizza . I was glad when they moved on from the pizza to their beds . It was a surprise to them whenever they found out that some of them had to sleep in Stromboli's cart . They gave me evil glares and said "What are we going to sleep on ?"

"Sleeping bags !" I said throwing the guy villains each a sack .

"I can`t sleep in there , "Hades protested holding up a purple one with Campfire Side Girl patches that was mine when I was 6 years old . " It sort of ... how should I put this ? ...girly ."

"It was mine . "I said firmly . "I was a Campfire Side Girl when I was 6 . I spent an entire summer sleeping in it . You can last a few days ."

Hades sighed and left the R.V. in huff . Lampwick was happy , `cause there was just enough beds to sleep all of the lady villains with one left . He didn`t have to sleep with a bunch of sweaty guys in sleeping bags around him . But then I realize I made a fatal mistake . He fell asleep as soon as he hit the pillow and began to snore . Up into the wee hours of the night we sat on our beds , and never got a wink of sleep . I took a drastic measure and slapped him awake and told him to go sleep with the guys . He wasn`t happy about it as he carried his pillow and blanket out of the R.V. to Stromboli's cart behind us . Finally we could get some peace and quiet so we wouldn`t be cranky for the convention tomorrow .

**Well that ends the second chapter of the crazy road trip of the DVC . I did the math and figured it would take three and a half hours to sing "1000 Bottles of Beer on the Wall " , and I don`t know about you guys , but I would certainly want to pull my hair out . Thank you reviewers ! **** Please review is you like ! **


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